


faster than a cannonball

by snakebitewrites



Series: rae's chatfics [3]
Category: Glee
Genre: Crack, Driving, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, New Directions as Family, Perks of being a wallflower references, Social Media, Texting, anyway this is some shenanigans, brothers... theyre family..., chatfic, hudmels, set sometime around season three when sam is living with the hudmels, this timeline is sexy and amorphous, why isnt that a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:02:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29141946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snakebitewrites/pseuds/snakebitewrites
Summary: Thursday, 6:12 PMKurt: who set Puck loose in the house again.Finn: puck in the house againSam: Puck in the house againKurt: puck in the house againKurt: seriously whoThe Hudmel family commits some shenanigans and the New Directions go for a drive.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Finn Hudson & Kurt Hummel, Mike Chang/Tina Cohen-Chang, Rachel Berry/Finn Hudson, Sam Evans & Finn Hudson, Sam Evans & Finn Hudson & Kurt Hummel, Sam Evans & Kurt Hummel, Sam Evans/Mercedes Jones, Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce
Series: rae's chatfics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2082657
Comments: 18
Kudos: 33





	faster than a cannonball

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING FOR RECREATIONAL DRUG USE!!!!  
> hey guys im back with another chatfic bc i just cant stop manifesting them in my notes app... this is very hudmel family centric bc i love found family and sibling shenanigans so im putting them out into the world. i got weirdly emotional writing the ending of this fic even tho logically u would NOT be able to have conversations the way they are on the highway HSJHFJGJFJ... anyway the playlist that tina is playing at the end is actually my driving down the highway at night playlist so im just gonna plug that [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6HkRu6E3LJzGRDTgwhnppG?si=v43vFnrQR42tKfxUXdZ0dA)  
> i rlly hope u guys enjoy this!!!! i had a lot of fun with it  
> u can find my other chatfics in this series!!!

**Finn's Instagram DMs**

Thursday, 2:55 PM

kurthummel_: finn  
kurthummel_: finn  
kurthummel_: finnfinnfinnfinn

thefinnhudson: wtf

kurthummel_: did you bring your extra drumsticks today?

thefinnhudson: of course bro i gotchu

kurthummel_: YAY

**Artie's Snapchat Story**

Snap 1:  
[Image Description: Kurt is standing next to the drum kit in the choir room twirling a red drumstick in his hand, looking at something across the room. Finn is on the stool holding two other red drumsticks in the air, grinning at the camera.]  
Caption: I really hope they fly out of his hand and hit Rachel in the head. She's irritating me today.

**Sam's Instagram DMs**

Thursday, 4:04 PM

kurthummel_: do want me to come get you when you're done with tutoring?

samevans: Yes pls!!!!! Is tht too much work tho

kurthummel_: no, finn and i are going to the grocery store for a bit. we'll stop by and get you after.

samevans: OH RIGHT... Barole aniversery dinner!!!!

kurthummel_: yes. barole anniversary dinner

**cooler than puck's (Finn's Private Snapchat Story)**

Snap 1:  
[Video Description: A close-up of Finn's face talking as he walks through a parking lot. The sky can be seen behind him. Transcript below:  
Finn: So it's Mom and Burt's two year anniversary of their first date and we're gonna make them a nice dinner! Because we're great sons.  
Kurt: (off-camera) Correction: I am going to make dinner. You are going to stand there and hand me things and tell your mom you love her.  
Finn: Hey, I can cook!  
Kurt: Yeah, grilled cheese. And we all remember what happened last time you did that.  
Finn: Listen, grilled cheesus was the man, okay. He kinda came through for me.]

Snap 2:  
[Video Description: Kurt standing in front of a shelf of placemats in the housewares section. Transcript below:  
Finn: (behind the camera) Dude, we have placemats at home.  
Kurt: Yeah, but they're boring. They're tired. This is special, Finn. We need pizzazz.  
Finn: ...They're placemats.  
(Kurt blinks for a moment before staring at Finn.)  
Kurt: You know what? You're right.  
(Camera flips to Finn's astonished face)  
Finn: ...Did I just win an argument with Kurt?  
Kurt: (off-camera) Barely, bitch! Don't get used to it!

**i diagnose you with gay (Kurt's Private Snapchat Story)**

Snap 1:  
[Video Description: Slowly zooming in from several feet away on Finn trying and failing to do the Charlie Brown in the middle of the canned soup aisle. Dynamite by Taio Cruz can be heard distantly playing over the loudspeaker.]  
Caption: literally obsessed. who is doing it like him.

Snap 2:  
[Image Description: A very blurry picture of the home decor aisle.]  
Caption: i understand the logic behind not buying more placemats but i want to buy them even more now out of spite.

Snap 3:  
[Image Description: Finn in the front seat of the Navigator giving two thumbs up and smiling at the camera.]  
Caption: mission accomplished, no placemats bought :/

**Kurt's Snapchat DMs**

cedes🎙️💖✨ replied to your story: this is so sad get this boy some placemats!

Me: save me from straight boys with no taste, cedes. he stopped me from buying placemats but then he said that we should buy prepackaged salad. i am not fucking making prepackaged salad

cedes🎙️💖✨: you poor, poor, soul

Me: stop being sarcastic you should be absolutely bleeding sympathy for me :///

**i diagnose you with gay (Kurt's Private Snapchat Story)**

Snap 4:  
[Video Description: Sam in the backseat of the Navigator. The camera is slowly zooming in on his face as he very passionately mouths the words to Va Va Voom by Nicki Minaj. The camera rapidly moves to the front seat and lands on Finn, who is doing the same. When the chorus hits, the camera zooms out and both Finn and Sam start headbanging, Finn using the lever on his seat to move the back up and down at rapid speed. Kurt is wheezing quietly behind the camera the whole time.]  
Caption: No caption, only a "Sound On" sticker.

**Finn's Instagram DMs**

samevans: Where r u dude

thefinnhudson: kurt banned me from th kitchen

samevans: He banned me 2 I dropped a pan and now he's stressed

thefinnhudson: k lets set th table

samevans: Ok gold leader!!!!!!!!!!

**Hudmel Boys™ (Sam, Kurt, and Finn Group Chat)**

Thursday, 6:12 PM

Kurt: who set Puck loose in the house again.

Finn: puck in the house again

Sam: Puck in the house again

Kurt: puck in the house again  
Kurt: seriously who

Finn: wait pucks here

Kurt: yes that is why i'm asking

Sam: Y is he here

Kurt: I DON'T KNOW THAT'S WHY I ASKED YOU!  
Kurt: i'm going to kick his ass if he doesn't stop distracting me. one of you come deal with him

**The Blackbird (Sam's Private Snapchat Story)**

Snap 1:  
[Video Description: Video opens on the doorway leading to the kitchen. The camera is shaky, and Sam can be heard running. As he enters the kitchen, the camera lands on Puck, who immediately stops like a deer in headlights before exaggeratedly looking for a way out. Transcript below:  
Sam: Holy fuck, there's a rat in the kitchen!  
(As he says this, the camera zooms in on Puck. Puck gives him the finger.)  
Puck: Fuck you, loser, I'm helping!  
Kurt: He is not! All of you get out! You are all hindrances!  
(The camera spins around as Finn is heard barging into the kitchen. Finn lets out a war cry and tosses a spoon near Puck. It hits the cabinet and leaves a dent in the wood. Everyone in the kitchen stops.)  
Sam: (chuckling disbelievingly) Oh my God...  
Puck: Nice knowing you, dude!  
(The camera zooms in on Kurt's face. He is staring at the dent and blinking. The video abruptly ends.)

Snap 2:  
[Video Description: Video opens on Kurt standing in the kitchen, still blinking, this time in Finn's direction. His face appears to be permanently stuck on disbelief. Puck is laughing hysterically and so is Sam behind the camera. Transcript below:  
Finn: (cut off by video) -sorry, I had no idea I threw it that hard, I thought it would hit the counter, holy shit I am going to die. Puck, dude, make sure my funeral is a rager and I get turned into something awesome, holy shit I am so sorry-  
(He abruptly stops speaking as Kurt turns away and grabs his phone off the counter. He raises his phone and taps at something before he lifts it to his ear. He side-eyes Finn and raises an eyebrow.)  
Finn: Are you calling mom? You pussy!  
(Kurt gasps, and then starts laughing at Finn. Puck and Sam start laughing even harder.)]  
Caption: Aniversery dinner not going good lol there's a dent in the wall!!!!!

**Sam's Snapchat DMs**

Mercedes ❤️ replied to your story: it's not even that bad? I can't see Carole being too upset about it

Me: Yeah but its fun 2 make fun of Finn lol

Mercedes ❤️: so true it really is

**deepthoughtswithkurt (Kurt's Spam Instagram Account)**

10:46 PM  
[Image Description: A blurry shot of Finn sitting on his bed, frowning playfully at the camera. Kurt's middle finger takes up most of the image.]  
Caption: someone make this asshole pay for his property damage crimes

Comments (5)

spamtana: ok bet

finns_spam: LEAVE ME ALONE IM SORRY MAN MY TRAJEKTORY WAS OFF OR WHATEVER IT IS

sam.i.am.spams: It's not that bad! He's not a criminal he just made a mistake

deepthoughtswithkurt: @sam.i.am.spams okay. you wanna be his lawyer?

sam.i.am.spams: @deepthoughtswithkurt Absolutly not

**Blaine's Instagram DMs**

Friday, 11:46 AM

kurthummel_: honey are you okay?

blaineydays: Yes of course! Why?

kurthummel_: blaine i follow your spotify  
kurthummel_: why are you listening to your crying playlist at school at 11:46 in the morning

blaineydays: I JUST THOUGHT ABOUT CLEOPATRA AND GOT REALLY SAD I NEED TO PROCESS I'LL BE OKAY IN A MOMENT

kurthummel_: hold on i'm on my way

**Twitter**

kurt ✨ @porcelainhummel  
thanks spotify for helping me monitor my boyfriend's breakdowns over historical figures

Blaine Anderson @blaineydays  
@porcelainhummel I have been exposed.

Santana fucking Lopez @santanaf_inglopez  
@blaineydays blainers we can ALL see your spotify. you've BEEN exposed babe

Blaine Anderson @blaineydays  
@santanaf_inglopez And I can see yours. You have no legs to stand on.

Artie Abrams @therealartieabrams  
@santanaf_inglopez @blaineydays OOOOHHHHHHHHHH SHIIIIIIIT BLAINE'S OUT FOR BLOOD

Santana fucking Lopez @santanaf_inglopez  
@blaineydays .... i genuinely hate that i can't argue with you

britbrit @brittanyspierce  
@santanaf_inglopez at least ur crying playlist is so banger 🥰🥰🥰🥰

**Kurt's Instagram DMs**

Friday, 12:03 PM

blaineydays: Thank you

kurthummel_: i'm sorry for exposing you on Twitter

blaineydays: Oh no that was funny. And I hate to say it, but Santana is right. Anyone who follows me can see it so... Anyway it was all just amusing

kurthummel_: the amount of times finn has crashed in through my door to ask what's wrong when he sees that i'm listening to my sad music playlist... immeasurable

**my private story (Brittany's Private Snapchat Story)**

Snap 1:  
[Video Description: The camera moves through the doorway to the choir room. None of the chairs are out; they're all still in their stacks in the corner. The New Directions are standing around the piano warming up while Kurt pokes out scales. Puck and Sam both have their guitars and are playing along with everyone else. The camera stops and focuses on the group around the piano. Transcript below:  
Brittany: (behind the camera) The floor is lava!  
(Chaos erupts. Santana screams and scrambles on top of the piano. Mike shoves several of the boys out of the way as he dashes to the stacks of chairs and leaps on top of one. Mercedes runs into the office and sits on the desk, Quinn close behind her. Kurt swings his legs up onto the piano bench and blocks it from anyone else, and the rest of the group scramble to find an island in the "lava". Rachel immediately sits on Artie's lap.)  
Rachel: Lava-proof wheelchair!  
(She and Artie high five, grinning.)  
Brittany: Sam is dead!  
(Everyone jeers at Sam, who is still, unfortunately, touching the floor.)  
Sam: God fucking dammit.]

**finns_spam (Finn's Spam Instagram Account)**

4:45 PM  
[Video Description: The previous floor is lava video.]  
Caption: i didnt lose this time ayyyyy

Comments (6)

jessesaintspams: Why didn't Brittany get killed by the lava. Clearly she was in the lava.

finns_spam: @jessesaintspams whoever yells floor is lava is the lava controller duh they dont get killed

jessesaintspams: @finns_spam So then by that logic anyone could yell floor is lava and instantly become impervious.

finns_spam: @jessesaintspams why havnt i blocked u yet

spamtana: @jessesaintspams jesse shut the fuck up

cedessaysstuff: @jessesaintspams oh I am about to exploit the fuck outta this loophole

**sangers gotta sang (New Directions Group Chat)**

Finn: have u guys seen that meme thats lik

Kurt: here we go

Finn: shut up kurt im speakin

Kurt: i'm going to throw a spoon at you

Finn: I APOLOGIZED MOM SAID ITS FINE THE DENT ISNT THAT BIG LEAVE ME ALONE

Sam: Spotify play spoonman by soundgarden

Finn: YOU BOTH SUCK

Puck: no jus kurt

Kurt: SHUT YOUR FUCK

Tina: DHKSJFJSKDKSK OH MY GOD

Quinn: He didn't deny it

Blaine: Why would he?

Finn: GUYS STOP NO

Santana: just vommed wtf y’all

Kurt: NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO SAY ANYTHING EVER AGAIN

Finn: MY MEME

Rachel: His meme!!!!!!!

Mike: Bring us the meme, sir!

Finn: k so its like  
Finn: you know how in the muppet movie the main guy and the main muppet are biological siblings right

Quinn: I hate this already

Sam: Go on my good man

Mercedes: wtf did I walk in on

Finn: so that means tht being a muppet is a mutation that jus happens yknow  
Finn: that means ANY 1 couldve been born a MUPPET

Santana: finn shut up

Brittany: i dont like this 😐

Tina: so u can just... give birth to a muppet?????

Kurt: why the fuck are you entertaining this

Brittany: we cld all have been muppets?

Blaine: Oh I just know I'm gonna have a really weird dream about this concept one day.

Mike: Blaine, I really don't like what that implies.

Quinn: This is a certifiably awful conversation. I'm documenting it

Puck: yeah k no more talking td that was more than enuf to take

Finn: puck what if ur future child is born a muppet

Puck: kurt? u there man

Kurt: ....yes?

Puck: throw the fucking spoon.

Kurt: YES

Tina: HE IS UNLEASHED!!!!!!

Sam: Dudes I can legit here him running through the house hes gna do it

Mercedes: GOOD FOR HIM

Quinn: Good for him

Mike: Good for him!

Blaine: goodforher.gif

Santana: good for him

Rachel: Good for him.

Finn: MY OWN GF

Rachel: ❤️ :)

**cooler than puck's (Finn's Private Snapchat Story)**

Snap 1:  
[Image Description: A selfie of Finn bending down so his right leg is in the shot. He is giving the camera a thumbs up and grinning.]  
Caption: just got a spoon tossed at my leg 4 talkin about muppets

Snap 2:  
[Image Description: A very blurry picture of Kurt standing like he's about to throw down and start fighting.]  
Caption: THE CULPRIT

**Hudmel Boys™ (Kurt, Sam, and Finn Group Chat)**

Finn: boys  
Finn: parents not home again  
Finn: wanna get high

Sam: Sure dude

Kurt: i'm not in the mood. have fun

Sam: Alright man!!!!

**i diagnose you with gay (Kurt's Private Snapchat Story)**

Snap 1:  
[Video Description: Finn poking at Kurt's sleeve, his eyes wide. He is muttering something under his breath. Transcript below:  
Kurt: (behind the camera) What's going on, Finn?  
Finn: Shhh... He's talking to me...  
Kurt: (fighting back laughter) Who is, Finn?  
Finn: The frog...  
(The camera zooms in on Kurt's sleeve where Finn is poking it. Lo and behold, there is an embroidered frog on it. Finn is staring fixedly at it and keeps nodding his head as though he is learning all the frog's secrets.)  
Finn: Absolutely. You get it man.  
Kurt: I do?  
Finn: Shhh... The frog...]

Snap 2:  
[Image Description: Finn and Sam sitting on the couch staring blankly past the camera at the TV screen. Sam has tears running down his face and Finn appears to be shaking his head rapidly.]  
Caption: so they decided to watch something. can you guess what?

**Kurt's Snapchat DMs**

artie 😎 replied to your story: They are so high. Goddamn. I'm guessing it's something sad.

Me: no. good try!

**i diagnose you with gay (Kurt's Private Snapchat Story)**

Snap 3:  
[Video Description: The camera opens on Finn and Sam, both of whom are now crying. Finn is still shaking his head.  
Sam: No. No. No I don't like it.  
Finn: Why... Does it look like that...  
(The camera spins to the TV, which is muted. However, the screen is obviously on. The live action version of Bananas In Pajamas is playing.)  
Kurt: (behind the camera) Okay. That's enough of that.]  
Caption: yeah. it's bananas in pajamas.

**Kurt's Snapchat DMs**

britbrit 🎀🐱 replied to your story: i dont like those bananas either ☹️ they scare me :/

Me: that's fair, love! this has been one of their more reasonable moments this evening

britbrit 🎀🐱: ur a hero for getting rid of the bananas for them 💞💞💞💞

Me: why thank you, brit

**i diagnose you with gay (Kurt’s Private Snapchat Story)**

Snap 4:  
[Image Description: Finn and Sam sleeping in a pile of blankets and pillows on the floor of Kurt’s room.]  
Caption: they were still scared of the bananas so they’re making me have a “bro sleepover” i live with five year olds

**Hudmel Boys™ (Kurt, Sam, and Finn Group Chat)**

Saturday, 10:17 AM

Kurt: breakfast

Finn: head hurts

Kurt: carole made it

Finn: omw

**The Blackbird (Sam’s Private Snapchat Story)**

Snap 1:  
[Video Description: Sam’s hand grabbing a spoon off the counter and holding it up in front of Kurt, who is doing the dishes. Finn is next to him drying said dishes. Transcript below:  
Sam: (behind the camera) Is this… The Spoon?  
(Kurt squints at the spoon.)  
Finn: What? Which spoon?  
Kurt: Yeah, I think it is. We should frame it.  
Finn: Are you - Is that the fucking spoon I threw? I hate you both. Let it go.  
Sam: (behind the camera and completely ignoring Finn) Yeah, we should frame it. It can be an art piece titled “Finn Hudson Going Bonkers”. We can include all the chairs he’s kicked.  
(Kurt grins. Finn scowls at Sam and aggressively dries a plate.)  
Kurt: If we did that we would have to include every chair in the choir room. It would be an extensive project. I would like to see it.  
Finn: I hate you both. No one in this house loves me.  
(Sam flips the camera around so it’s showing his face. He walks over to Finn and kisses him on the cheek. Finn looks at him, deeply confused, and Kurt can be heard cackling in the background. Sam pats Finn’s cheek.)]  
Caption: That’s probably not actually The Spoon but its rlly fun to pretend it is

Snap 2:  
[Video Description: Carole standing in the kitchen holding the spoon from the previous video. Transcript below:  
Carole: Boys, I don’t think this is actually The Spoon.  
Finn: Thanks Mom-  
Carole: I actually kept The Spoon. I’m going to put it in a shadow box and hang it up on the wall.  
(Kurt starts cackling again, Sam joining in. Carole grins at Finn as he looks at her, shocked.)  
Finn: _Mom_ why? Why? I’m moving out.  
Burt: (off-camera) Can we not just have a nice, relaxed afternoon as a family?  
Carole: Where’s the fun in that?]  
Caption: Carole is such a g

Snap 3:  
[Video Description: The Hudson-Hummels living room. Finn is sitting on an armchair facing Burt and Carole, who are both on the couch. Kurt can be seen on the floor leaning on the coffee table. Kurt and Finn both look betrayed, Carole looks puzzled, and Burt looks defensive. Transcript below:  
Kurt: I’m sorry, _what._  
Burt: It tastes good! I don’t know what you two are so upset about, you don’t have to eat it-  
Kurt: Dad. Peanut butter and _onions?_ Are you - how do you even come up with that?  
Finn: I feel so betrayed right now. That's so gross.  
Kurt: I don’t like that. I don’t want to think about it.  
(Carole’s head is swinging back and forth between her husband and her children like she’s watching a tennis match or a pendulum or an argument.)  
Burt: What’s so wrong with it?  
Finn: Everything!  
Kurt: Dad, we’re bullying you.  
Finn: Yeah! We’re gonna join forces to bully you for this.  
Burt: Great. Finally you two work together and it’s against me.  
Finn: Okay, but did you expect anything different?  
Kurt: Yeah, this is who we are as people.]  
Caption: Relaxing afternnon as a family!

**Kurt’s Instagram DMs**

Saturday, 4:55 PM

thefinnhudson: im bored

kurthummel_: fuck off

thefinnhudson: no

kurthummel_: go bother sam

thefinnhudson: k

**Sam’s Instagram DMs**

Saturday, 4:57 PM

thefinnhudson: im bored

samevans: Wanna go drive around and look for weird shit

thefinnhudson: f yeah

**Kurt’s Instagram DMs**

Saturday, 5:00 PM

thefinnhudson: sam n i are gna drive around and look for weird shit wanna come with

kurthummel_: fine

**sangers gotta sang (New Direction’s Group Chat)**

Finn: get ready gang we’re going out to look for weird shit and we’re coming to get you

Mike: So we’re the weird shit?

Tina: i’ve always wanted to be weird shit!!!!!

Puck: r we drivin around 2gether cuz we can use my truck 2

Quinn: CAN I SIT IN THE BACK OF THE TRUCK

Blaine: Whoa that was a level of excitement I was not expecting from Quinn

Puck: YES U CAN Q

Mercedes: ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO!!!!!!!

* * *

“Are we taking Kurt’s car?” Sam called out to Finn. Finn wandered into the front hall, grabbing his shoes.

As he tugged on his sneakers, he said, “No, I actually thought we would take Mom’s van. We’re gonna look like soccer moms, but I thought we could pick up some of the gang and it has more seats.”

Sam looked at him, startled. “You’re gonna choose to drive a mini-van?”

As he said this, Kurt walked into the hallway, pulling on his jacket. He glanced at Finn. “We’re taking the van?”

“Fuck off, guys, it just has more seats. I’m being smart. Ecological, or whatever.” Finn grabbed his keys off the hook and pulled the door open, sending a message to Burt in response to his request for them to pick up ice cream.

“Does he mean economical?” Kurt whispered to Sam as they followed Finn out the door. Finn spun around and stuck his tongue out his Kurt, who stuck his out right back.

Finn slid into the driver’s seat of his mom’s van, starting up the car and giving Sam and Kurt a chance to arrange themselves in their seats. On autopilot, Finn switched on the radio and turned it to Bluetooth so Kurt could connect his music. As Finn started backing out of the driveway, Kurt started fiddling with Spotify and the car stereo, choosing what to play. 

Kurt turned slightly in his seat. “Do you have any requests, Sam?” 

Sam’s voice piped up from the back. “No showtunes!”

In the corner of his eye, Finn saw Kurt glare playfully at Sam. Finn snorted.

“So!” Finn exclaimed. “Are we gonna gather the gang?” 

“Mercedes lives closest!” Sam said. Finn felt him start poking at his arm and shoved him off into the back. Sam laughed.

Kurt grinned, and told Sam “Let’s go get our girl then.” Finn knew Sam would be downright beaming at that. A glance in the rearview mirror confirmed this. 

The car was silent for a minute or so as Kurt started up the classic rock playlist he kept downloaded for Finn and Sam. Rhiannon by Fleetwood Mac came through the car speakers, and Finn started nodding to the beat.

Suddenly, Sam reached between the front seats and grabbed Kurt’s shoulder, shaking him gently and grinning at him. “You called her our girl!” He laughed slightly and slid back into his seat. “That’s so fuckin’ cute. I love that.”

Kurt laughed softly at Sam and looked out the windshield again. “Well. She’s my favourite girl and yours, so it just makes sense.” He paused. “But I knew her first.” Kurt swiveled in his seat to look at Sam again. “So don’t get comfy.” 

Laughing, Finn watched through the rearview mirror as Sam flipped Kurt the bird. He glanced over at Kurt, and was surprised to see him looking distantly out the window, eyes slightly unfocused.

Finn’s smile faded slightly. He sped up the car a little, pulling up in front of Mercedes’ house just as the last strains of Rhiannon faded and House Of The Rising Sun began. 

Reaching behind him and shoving at Sam’s knee, Finn said, “Dude. Go in and get her. And get all your lovin’ crap out before you both get in the back.”

Sam grinned and left the van, running up to the house. Once he was on the porch steps, Finn turned back to Kurt. 

“You alright, man?”

Kurt glanced at him and blinked a few times before answering. “Yeah. Yes, I’m fine. Why do you ask?”

Silence overtook the car for a second. “Because you looked all… cottony,” Finn said.

Kurt squinted at him through the rapidly fading sunlight. “I’m sorry, I what?”

Finn gestured with his left hand. “You just - You looked all blank and distant. You looked like how I feel when I’m thinking about something sad. What happened?”

Smiling sardonically, Kurt said “Oh. It’s nothing, I’m just being an idiot. Thanks for checking, Finn.”

And that didn’t seem right to Finn at all, because Kurt still looked cottony and they were supposed to be having fun with their friends. He didn’t have any idea what the hell was going on, but goddamn, if he wasn’t going to try and fix it so Kurt stopped looking… Fucking cottony. Finn really needed to think of a better word than that.

“If it’s making you all sad and shit then it’s not you being an idiot,” Finn said. He reached over and tried to ruffle Kurt’s hair, which made Kurt promptly shove his hand away. There. That was more normal.

Kurt sighed. “It’s just - I don’t know, Sam shaking me was really sudden and I just wasn’t expecting it and it just made me feel trapped and on edge. It reminded me of - You know.”

Well fuck. Finn wasn’t expecting that.

“It’s just-” Kurt started. “It’s hard to remember sometimes that people who suddenly touch me aren’t always out to hurt me.”

Finn had no idea what to say to that. He suspected that anything he did say would be some kind of false platypus or platidudes or whatever, considering he used to be part of the reason Kurt was having a mini freakout in the car at five thirty in the evening. 

Gathering some courage, Finn inhaled and said “Look, I- I know you know that we’ve all changed and none of us would ever do that shit to you again, but like… I’m gonna say it again. We’re on your side. And if anyone does treat you like that, then, dude, you’ve got _shooters_ out here. We’d shut that shit down so fast.”

Throughout this, Kurt’s smile became less ironic and more genuine. He fiddled with his phone and glanced at Finn before looking at the floor.

“Man, if you need us to stop doing sudden shit like that, we can. Absolutely. We’ll figure it out. You should feel safe, right? I mean, if you can’t feel safe with your friends, then, like, what the hell. Not real friends. I can talk to Sam, if you want,” Finn declared. He reached out, keeping his hand where Kurt could see it, and patted him slightly on the shoulder. 

Kurt finally looked Finn in the eyes and grinned. His eyes were a little wet, which made Finn freak out internally a bit, but the grin was enough to convince him that everything was chill.

“While I’m thankful for your support, I don’t think you need to do that. It’s just an occasional thing; I’ll be okay. I don’t want you guys to be afraid to hang out with me.” Kurt patted Finn’s hand, and Finn took it off his shoulder.

Nodding, Finn said “Okay,” and mentally made the decision to at least tell Sam to be a little more careful. It wouldn’t hurt. 

After a second of deliberation, Finn reached awkwardly over the central console and gave Kurt a one-armed hug. He felt Kurt pat him on the back, and he pulled away and offered him a fist bump. Kurt looked exasperated, but bumped his fist and grinned. 

“Alright. That’s enough emotion for today. Where the _fuck_ are Sam and Mercedes,” Finn said, yelling the last part out in the direction of the house.

A minute or so went by, Kurt and Finn intermittently yelling things out the door and at the house, hoping to speed them up. Finally, Sam and Mercedes came stumbling out the front door, Mercedes giggling incessantly over something and Sam beaming at her like an idiot. They ran down the steps, Sam sliding open the van door and gesturing gallantly for her to get in. Mercedes curtsied before she climbed up onto the seats.

Finn snorted. Dorks.

“Alright!” Sam exclaimed as he put on his seatbelt. “Let’s go gather the idiots!”

Mercedes and Kurt both cheered, and Finn pulled out of the driveway and headed off towards Tina’s.

* * *

Finn closed the door of the van and walked up the pathway to Mike’s house. Everyone was gathered on the lawn, sorting out who was going in which car and who would sit where and various other vital decisions. As he stopped next to the group, Tina looked up from her phone and, upon spotting him, dashed over.

“Finn! Can I connect to the speaker in the van? I got music privileges today!” she said, practically bouncing with excitement over getting to play her music. 

Finn grinned at her. Tina probably had the most diverse music taste of all of them and had a playlist for practically any occasion; he could totally handle her playing her stuff in the car. “Sure. Lemme show you what to do.”

As they went back to the van, a thought occurred to Finn. “Wait. How is everyone in Puck’s car gonna hear your music?” he said, looking down at Tina.

Tina beamed. “Oh, listen to this. So - okay, I’m going to sound like an ad for Spotify for a minute,” she said, smiling shyly, “But they have this feature called collaborative listening? And basically, if you start a session, a bunch of people can listen to the same songs at the same time. So I’m going to start the session in the van, and Artie’s going to connect and play it in the truck!” She tugged open the door of the van and unlocked her phone. “Isn’t that cool?”

Poking at the stereo, Finn smiled at her. “Yeah. That’s sick as hell.”

The two of them went quiet for a moment as they figured out how to connect Tina’s phone. It took several tries to add her phone into the car’s system, but when they figured it out they shared a high-five and Tina started up Supercut by Lorde. The song blasted out of the speakers, and as Finn opened the door of the van again, several cheers and one “ _Fuck yeah!_ ” went up from the group on the lawn. Rachel’s head popped up when she heard the music and she instantly started breaking it down spectacularly, which, considering the slower vibe of the song, was a very hilarious sight to see. 

Puck broke away from the group and jogged up to the van. “Alright, dude. Here’s the setup.” He whipped out his phone and started reading out loud, which showed a level of organization from him that startled Finn. “So you’re taking Tina, Mike, Blaine, Rachel, Santana, and Brit. I got the rest of the gang.”

Finn frowned. “Blaine and Kurt aren’t driving together?”

Puck’s shoulders raised in a “who gives a shit” kind of shrug. “Blaine doesn’t wanna ride in the back of the truck because of “danger”,” and Puck actually made finger air-quotes here, which, wow, they really had drunk so much of the show choir kool-aid, “And Mike wants to hang out with Blaine. Don’t worry, man, they’re cool.”

“Alright.” Finn turned to the rest of the group. “Let’s get this show on the road!”

Spinning around and squinting at Finn, Kurt yelled “You sound like Dad!” to which Finn responded with a very eloquent “Fuck you!” and everyone snickered.

Several minutes later, after multiple battles over who sat in which seat, they finally pulled out of Mike’s driveway and onto the road. Tina’s playlist had switched songs and was now blasting Don’t Dream It’s Over by Crowded House. Everyone was singing along at the top of their lungs.

Finn had all the windows in the van rolled down, occasionally glancing over at the truck next to them where Sam, Kurt, Mercedes, and Quinn were all sitting in the truck bed. Sometimes he would spot one of them reaching their hand out and trying to touch the hand of whoever was in the van, and Finn had to resist the urge to yell at them about getting their hands cut off. He was already driving a mini-van; he would _not_ become even more like his mother. In the back of his mind, he was distantly aware of the fact that this setup was probably ridiculously dangerous, but it was fuckin’ Lima, Ohio. Who the hell was going to care? Finn chose not to give a shit. He figured that, as teenagers, they were obligated to do something stupid.

At one point, Finn tuned back into the conversation to hear Mike say: “And _that_ is how _21 Jump Street_ helped me come to the conclusion that it does not matter how the definition of what forms a popular person changes over time, one thing will always remain: hot bitches hate cops.” Everyone in the car nodded along with him, each with an individual expression of intense thought. Finn decided he did not have the mental capacity at the moment to analyze that, and promptly tuned back out and paid attention to the road.

Eventually, both cars pulled onto an empty stretch of highway and sped up to match the speed limit. From his right side, Finn could hear Sam whooping, and as he glanced over, he saw Sam poke his head up over the side of the truck, looking like a very enthusiastic golden retriever. Tina’s playlist changed songs again, this time to Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. Finn saw Sam spin around and start singing it to Mercedes, who looked positively gleeful at this turn of events. 

“Finn!” Rachel’s voice piped up from the seat behind him. Finn felt her hand patting his arm and reached back so he could hold it in his own hand. “Yeah, Rach?” he asked.

“What do you think the conversation safeword should be?” she asked, grinning mischievously at him in the rearview mirror.

Finn did a double-take. “The, uh, the fucking what now?” he said.

Everyone in the car laughed. From the truck next to them, he heard Artie yell, “What did he say?” 

“He’s confused, give him a sec!” Blaine said from the seat next to Rachel.

From all the way in the back, Brittany shouted “I still think it should be bananas in pajamas!”

“ _No!_ ” Finn and Sam both chorused. Santana started cackling. 

Mike leaned up and nudged Finn. “Basically, the conversation safeword is just a word that you can use if you feel really uncomfortable with whatever is currently being discussed. It’s also just a really funny term.”

 _That’s actually not a bad plan,_ Finn thought. “It should be ‘Mr. Schue Rapping’. That makes me uncomfortable.” Finn said. 

A series of “ _Ohhhhh!_ ”s went up through the van. Finn grinned. 

“I hate to say this, but that’s actually not bad, Finn. Except it’s a bit of a mouthful,” Santana said. She went silent. “I just realized what I just said. Waaaanky.”

Everyone giggled, except Kurt, who called out “I am _disgusted,_ ” from his spot in the truck bed, which only made everyone laugh harder.

The car went silent for a minute. From the truck, Finn heard Mercedes say “For some reason the only idea I can think of is Coach Tanaka.”

Silence reigned for a couple more seconds. Then Quinn started cackling like a mad thing. This set off a chain reaction and everyone lost their shit over the concept of a conversation safeword being “Coach Tanaka”.

“Executive order: The conversation safeword is Coach Tanaka. I’m calling it,” Puck shouted. Shouts of agreement chimed in all across the cars.

Finn smiled and settled back in, absorbing the sounds of his friends all around him. Over the car speakers, Champagne Supernova by Oasis started playing, and he nodded his head to the beat.

The first chorus hit, and as Noel Gallagher started singing “ _Someday you will find me_ ”, Finn started singing with him. Next to him, Tina joined in, swaying side to side and grinning. 

As the chorus continued, more and more of them joined in. Some of them tried to harmonize, some of them didn’t bother and just sang it as it was. And by the time the words “ _A dreamer dreams she never dies_ ” rolled around, both cars were filled completely with every voice contained inside them. 

They continued driving, speeding up in intervals, slowly getting louder until it felt like all of them were yelling at the top of their lungs. Wind was whipping past Finn’s right ear, carrying the voices of his friends back behind the car. He felt stupid for thinking it, but it felt to him like they were pushing the car forward. 

They kept moving, heading towards nowhere in particular, when out of the corner of his eye Finn saw Puck’s truck pull ahead of the van slightly. Everyone in the back of the truck was moving around and swaying as they sang, beaming in the streetlights. The third chorus rolled around, and for the third and final time, everyone sang about walking down a hall faster than a cannonball. And Finn knew it meant something different to him than it did to any of the others, but they were all still singing it at the same time. 

And as they all screamed “ _Where were you while we were getting high_ ”, Finn nearly had a heart attack when he saw Quinn standing up. But Mercedes, Kurt, and Sam sat at her feet and stabilized her, and as Finn watched, Quinn stood, holding her arms out to the sides. Her hair was flying rapidly behind her, the sleeves of her flowing pink dress billowing around her arms. The song’s raging guitar kicked in, and he saw Quinn’s jaw move as she yelled out the lyrics into the nearly empty highway. Distantly, over his friends’ voices, he heard her laugh and call out “I’m Sam in Perks!” and he smiled around the words of the song as he remembered all the times Quinn had talked about that book incessantly like it was a part of her. 

It was moments like this when he remembered why he had fallen in love with her, and times like this when he knew that she was better off with anyone else but him.

Still driving, keeping his eyes on the road and occasionally Quinn, Finn reached around and grabbed Rachel’s hand again. He watched her in the rearview mirror as she squeezed it gently and smiled at him, still singing, because how could Rachel ever stop singing once she’d started.

The song progressed, the guitar still raging, his friends still singing, Quinn still standing, him and Puck still driving. They went on forever.

* * *

**cedessaysstuff (Mercedes’ Spam Instagram Account)**

12:46 AM  
[Image Description: Quinn, standing in the back of the truck, her arms spread wide. The image is taken from behind and slightly below her, clearly from the truck bed. She is looking behind her, beaming at the photographer, and she looks happier than she’s looked in a long time.]  
Caption: observation: I think the love between large groups of friends feels too big to not be given moments like a movie. I think it just deserves it.


End file.
